...a love to think about...

6:36 am 6/30/2009

“You are what I never knew I always wanted” ~from the Movie, Fools Rush In~

what is love?
the inquiry is super “gasgas” (in bisaya term) right? but not all people can fathom the real meaning, it’s so vague; in fact, there are various answers, it maybe somber or not but there are also people who can not answer it directly, either you’ll get a blank stare (with an imaginary bubble popping up on their forehead), a rolling eyes (maybe thinking what the heck!) or maybe a big big sigh (whatever! just ask me a different question, please!)…

last night when we have a big clash with my hubby because of some silly issues I just realized…what is it in him that I super duper love? what a shame! we’ve been together for (hhmmm…thinking, counting…) almost 8 years?! OMG! it’s that long and I still dare ask myself how come and why I love him? (this is really something very serious huh?!)

Anyway, way back when we were still boyfriend-girlfriend stage, the only reason why I stayed in the against-all-odds-relationship was I LOVE HIM, PERIOD! I was able to accept the “in spite of” rather than the “because of” …was it that too much to understand? for some maybe, but for me it is the simplest rationale…

Looking back, I was so so so over heels in love with him, I may have several flings with in the relationship (shheeessh! it’s a top secret) but that doesn’t changed my mind, I stick to him still, why?! I just found my happily-ever-after with him, we’re meant to last a lifetime; I can see myself caressing him while the sun sets and welcoming the whole new sunrise with a kiss…but now, I am wondering was the love gone? Or was it just too tired to understand what is happening? yah, I have a lot of dramas now a day, a whirlwind of emotions, and it scared me to death realizing that my evil side is over empowering me (you would not know how bad I am!) like a shadow eating my physical self away to the hell of fire! it burned my senses, but sanity was good to me though, was able to pull me up to my real world and after having this heated argument and confrontations with him, I step away and answered these questions:

What is it in him that I super duper love?
1. he always stood by me even if I am displaying my worst tantrums
2. he’s always the first one to ask “sorry” and patched things through when we have a fight (big or small)
3. he cooks and prepares food for me, washes our clothes, takes care of cuppycake when I am not around
4. he is always my shock absorber, specially if I am nagging about things!
5. he understands and accepts me for what I am (the whole package)
6. he always cries his heart out if I speak super bad words to him
7. he just loves me so unconditionally even if I am no longer lovable
8. and most of all…he never let go of my hand, even if everything else fails and even if I keep on driving him away!

Why I still choose to stay in spite of the drama?
For the same lame excuse as before I LOVE HIM, PERIOD!… it’s hard to believe but it is!

Was the love gone?
It’s actually the feelings that jumped out of the window! I personally think that love would never fade away, it’s always been there ready, waiting, hoping to be revived to life again…

Was the heart too tired to understand what is happening?
YES, too tired that the human being carrying the pain is willing to give up everything in exchange of a free life…

So as a grown up entity (with immature personality?!) I personally define love as part of the confused emotion (whether the current or the absence of it) of a being, still loving though hurting, still holding on though dying to let go, still forgiving though reasons are irrational and still embracing him wholeheartedly though he’s no longer huggable.

“I love him and that’s the beginning of everything.” ~Teen love~